Yes Sir, That IS Considered Lying

Dear TallandFitinCali,

I don’t care that you state in your description that you are really 50-something-ish, which is noncommittal as to how old you ACTUALLY are, putting your age as 45 in your profile is still lying.

You said you did so to avoid certain search engines…those would be the ones I employ to whittle down the vast number of profiles on line to figure out which ones I might consider sleeping with (well, eventually, a romantic relationship will go there).

My father is 57, my mother 56…if you’re 50ISH that means you’re creeping too close to my parents’ age and that weirds me out…sorry…my hang up not yours.

But still, you lied…I think you should check your pants, they are potentially aflame and perhaps you should stop, drop and roll to prevent your young-looking-but-still-in-your-50’s self from totally being consumed by the pants-fire of your lies.

~ Creepy

P.S. Yes, I am only 12…apparently.

Pssst….random people, I see you consistently looking at my page why don’t you send me an email?  I know one of you has looked at me every day for the last week...I emailed you first...you can respond.

I don’t bite, well, not via the internet…what’s the worst that can happen? I might turn down your e-persona?

Nothing ventured, nothing gained….and this is why I want to date older men, at least the majority have the nerve to ask.

Dear At_First_Glance,

You decided, based on one phone call that you not only didn’t want to meet me in person, but never to email me again, so why are you looking at my page?

Thanks for playing, but you have shown your true colors, Judgey Judgenberg.  If you scrape up the nerve you may give me a call, send a text or even an email – otherwise quit cyber-ogling me.

Creepy

A Musing......

If I receive a "wink" on my dating site profile, does it count if they guy only has one eye to begin with?

My First On-Line Instigated Date

It started out poorly, I was supposed to meet someone for a drink and a face-to-face, but instead he cancelled, or, more accurately, didn’t say he’d be there so I didn’t go.  While I was checking my email I get an instant message, Almost40Balding is IMing me and…after a short exchange decide to meet up and talk.  Of COURSE he wants me to meet him at his apartment…but promises to be a gentleman.  So I figure, well, if he doesn’t kill me I’ll come out ahead, and I go.

First I got the worst directions…and then I got into an accident on the way there. :-/  I can’t find the building, apparently I’m around the block…I move my car…and we go up to his place.

Well, I sit right down on the couch…he sits as far away from me as humanly possible.  Never does he turn the T.V. off, so it’s constantly in the background.  We’re talking, trying to learn about him…so, what do YOU do for a living?  He talks and talks…interesting yes, but talking.  So Creepy, what do you do?  I start talking about it…two sentences in “Oh, so you work on computers.”  Wow…blunt and dismissive…what more can I say, but Wow!

He keeps talking about watching a movie or something when I say “is my conversation that boring?”  Of course it isn’t.

Two hours later I have to go…he was true to his word, a gentleman.  And though he said he’d love to see me again, I don’t think that’s the case – never got an email and certainly never a phone call.

Word to the wise…if you had a great time but are not interested in seeing me again, please, just say that.  I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but at least have the fortitude to say it. :-$

To the Gentleman Who Decided I Lived Too Far Away –

Quit stalking my profile, I haven’t moved.  I told you I wouldn’t be moving until later this year after June.  I told you my availability would be the same once I moved so distance wasn’t the issue.

You are not really interested in me, so move along and quit taking up numbers in my stats.

Love,

Me

My Past – In Pie Charts

So I decided to take a look at my past “dating” life in pie chart format…pretty bleak when you look at it.

I’d like to say something tragic, like, “What’s wrong with me???”  The answer to that is obvious, there’s nothing wrong with me, per se, maybe my decision making skills need honing.  Or perhaps I need to re-evaluate what I’m looking for, or only measure something that I think is really a big deal.

So, in the following figures the 100% is equitable to the men of my past.

In figure one, the red is the percentage of men I’ve been with that left me for someone immediately, in at least one case got married two weeks after I saw him last.

In figure two, the red slice is the number of guys who were older than me.

In figure three, the red slice is the number I only got one shot with before they decided I was not quite what they wanted.

Yes, there is cross-over...and names....but nobody needs to know that stuff.

Dear Match.Com,

Thanks for putting someone I already know in my top two mutual matches, that’s a bit creepy – even for me.  I decided to do the on-line dating thing to meet new people not to get yenta-style set up with people I already know. 

 Also, where’s the “I’ve slept with a friend of his” check box to help whittle down that result?

Dear Okiee,

If the text messages you send to my phone are pictures of your penis and all you’re trying to do is sex-chat me, then you have no right to get all upset when I treat you like a whore.

That is all.

Love,

Creepy

Open Letter to Guy from PoF

Dear Dizzy,

I appreciate your zeal, I really do, but by responding to my profile you indicate you cannot read, I think I specifically stated I’m looking for someone 37-47, not 20.  I really do want my date to be able to legally buy me a drink.

I don’t care what the Bloodhound Gang say about older women, coming at me with overly sexual messaging is likely to have the effect opposite than you’re trying to get – I’m old enough to be your mother.

Also, trying to tell me of your sexual prowess at such an early age makes me wonder what horrible diseases you must be carrying…ewwww…cockroach.

Thanks for playing, try again next time.

Creepy

Where to shop for men?

So I have decided that since my current tactic of dating within my social circle is just as bad as dating at work, I will try on-line dating to meet new and *ahem* interesting people.

Right now I’m on plentyoffish, which my hairdresser told me about and match, which a number of my friends have used.  I’m also likely to try a couple of others – I’m dragging my feet on jdate though, even though it IS Jewtopia (thanks Dad).

We will see where this mild ride takes me, maybe I’ll learn the art of going on a date without immediately mauling the other person, maybe I’ll learn how to eat politely in public, maybe I’ll write a screenplay about how bad the whole experience was…any way you slice it I’m going to come out ahead. (minus subscription fees)

Personal Ads

I remember these from being a teenager, along with always reading the comics I read the personals – don’t ask me why, I have no answer.

Let me just say that the internet has stepped that freakishness up zillion-fold.  I took a look at the Craigslist personals, just snooping around when I was bored and alone.  The stuff I read would curl your hair…or uncurl it as the case may be!

It’s like a bulletin board equivalent of a singles’ bar, but a singles’ bar where everyone advertises their kinks.  “Looking for someone to throw rose petals in the air to Aqualung while I stroke it and watch Animal Planet.”

WOW

Yeah, that sums it up…WOW.  I won’t be using Craigslist or trolling it again, what you’ve seen can’t be unseen – at least, not without a sharp blow to the head.

Another Blog?

I figured, not everyone want's to read about my dating life, so I'd get it off my chest here and only those who want to know, come and look.

That's the long and the short of it, it's weird out there, and I need to vent.

~ Creepy